Written by Joe Fattorini

The basics of reading a wine list

First of all… relax. This is a wine list. Not Thomas Paine’s ‘Rights of Man’. It’s meant to be the start of something fun, not a trial. If the wine list gives you an idea of which wines go with which foods, great. This is your starting point. If not, then ask. The woman or man with the silver bunch of grapes on their lapel is there to help. If they’re snooty about it, they’re not doing their job properly (and you should tell Trip Advisor). Explain what you’d all like to eat. Give a clear budget; there’s no embarrassment in saying that you don’t want to extend your mortgage just to help them shift a few old bottles of over-priced Claret. And explain what you tend to like. If you’re not sure, think how do you take coffee. If you like espresso, then you most likely enjoy full-bodied, oak-aged reds and whites. If you like cappuccino then we’d expect you to enjoy lush, fruity reds, whites and roses. And if you like latte you’ll tend towards soft-textured reds and aromatic, supple whites.

But what if there isn’t someone to help? Don’t worry, you can do this on your own. If you’re entertaining (and that’s when this is most daunting) remember most people like cappuccino, so you want to go for a juicy, fruity red or white. Things to look out for? Pinot Noir (the diner’s friend), Carmenere and Malbec are great reds and often from good value regions. Sauvignon Blanc is a safe haven. But choosing Dry Furmint from Hungary makes you look good and is a great all-rounder. Picpoul de Pinet from France is like a warm-climate Chablis and zingy. ‘Picpoul’ means ‘lip-stinger’ in French. Also it’s grown next to the largest nudist holiday resort in the world. Drop that in conversation and everyone will remember you had a funny story about the wine.

To help break the wine discussion down, we enlisted Joe to help us navigate through 3 restaurant scenarios.

#1. A girl walks into an Italian restaurant and orders the veal marsala.

To be honest most food and wine matching is bunk. Choose what you like to eat and then choose what you like to drink and you’ll usually be happy. Seriously. You just want to be in the same general region when it comes to strength of flavours. Veal is a mid-weight, moderately flavoured meat. It works with similar wines. In Alsace they match this up with whites like Pinot Gris, even with a bit of sweetness. It’s delicious. She could choose a red, our girl just needs to make sure it’s a mid-weight wine like a Barbera d’Asti or Pinot Noir. Or if she’s somewhere with a funky wine list, look out for Frappato from Sicily for this. It’s this season’s hottest red variety and perfect.

#2. A girl walks into a French restaurant and orders moules marinières.

Where a food is cooked in wine like this, try and drink that wine with the dish. Moules are cooked in a dry white like Muscadet so that’s where to go. Picpoul is great here too as well as fashionable Spanish whites like Albarino or Godello. They’re grown near the seafood-rich northwestern coast of Galicia. In Europe you find that cuisines and wines have evolved in tandem for centuries. So local food and local wine fit together like Lego bricks.

#3. A girl walks into an American restaurant and orders a steak with a side of garlic frites and sautéed mushrooms.

In wine, 2+2 does sometimes =5. Even if our girl is not a fan of big, bruising reds, this is the one time she should try one. The muscular tannins of a hearty California Cabernet or big Argentine Malbec latch onto the protein from the steak. They stick to each other like the two sides of Velcro. In turn that makes the meat taste sweeter and the wine tastes softer.

-Joe Fattorini

The Wine Show, with Matthew Goode, Matthew Rhys, Joe Fattorini and Amelia Singer, airs 4.30pm on ITV. For more info visit: www.thewineshow.com