Written by Natasha Lawrence

Whatever we once knew about dating is completely out the window now that COVID-19 has us staying home and practicing social distancing. We’re still trying to wrap our heads around the new long distance relationships we find ourselves in, and the cohabitation with our significant others. Don’t even get us started on virtual dates!

Whether you are in a new relationship, in a relationship where you can no longer see or touch your significant other, or just like to keep things spicy, we sat down once again with sexual health & consent educator and relationship expert, Samantha Bitty to learn the basics of appropriate sexting, nudes and phone sex.

For those who have never asked for, or received a nude, what is the best way to suggest you’d like to either send or receive a nude pic? Is it even appropriate to ask for one?

I just did a video on the do’s and don’t of nudes, so check it out for more details. My do’s and don’t of requesting are:

• Do ask questions. It’s a great opportunity to explore what the other person is in to. Asking questions is important because things can easily be lost in communication, and people can have different levels of comfort. Be specific with your questions – What do you enjoy? What do you like sending? It’s a negotiation of turning each other on, so you need to figure out how to set the stage so that it’s a mutually beneficial act and not a currency.
• Do ask for consent. Fully negotiate what consent means.
• Do respect boundaries. Whether it’s the type, the time of day, the way it’s presented, etc, learn each others boundaries.
• Do be intuitive, and empathetic. Bring all the emotional tools to sending nudes, as you would IRL. Read the room!
• Don’t push it. If someone has expressed that they’re not into it, then don’t force the issue.

What’s the appropriate way to receive a nude?

You want to receive a nude in a way that will continue the conversation and invite more. If a person makes you feel good, you’re going to do whatever they want. Be gracious and thank the person who sent you a pic. Affirm them, by giving them (genuine) compliments. It’s also important when referring to the pictures to refer to the person and not “that.” Don’t ever give criticisms! Take into consideration that people are extremely vulnerable when they are sending nudes. If it’s not the perfect, sexy nude for you, accept that and find ways to communicate it.

When sending a nude picture, what’s the best method to make sure they are secure?

The thing about sending a nude, is that you can send it in the most secure method, but at the end of the day, it will never fully be safe. It’s all about trust and comfort. For example, when it comes to orgasms – if you’re not comfortable, you can’t cum. If you’re not comfortable sending a pic, then it’s not going to be a good experience and you shouldn’t send the nude. Con-seal what you’re not comfortable sending. I also like to say before I send a nude is: “Anything we say is between us?” Then it’s in writing and you’re opening up the conversation. Much like we practice safe sex choices IRL, you should practice safe virtual sex.

Do you have any suggestions on how to take a good nude selfie?

A good nude is a state of mind. For me, the under-the-butt nude accomplishes everything I want it to accomplish – for my self esteem, anonymity, etc. I, personally, don’t like dismemberment, as an aesthetic choice. If for example, you are going to send a picture of your boobs, include your lips or your arms. I do like to also use the three L’s, as I discuss in my video on taking a good nude – lighting, lotion and location. Lastly, be intentional!

When it comes to sexting and phone sex, should you discuss with your partner beforehand, if you would like to initiate sexting or phone sex, or just surprise them with it?

It depends on every relationship. It is important, though in every relationship, to establish the communication. If you’ve never had phone sex before, again, ask questions. Read the room and practice the same awareness you would in any other situation.

How do you set the mood and start a sexy conversation on the phone or via text?

Similar to taking nudes, it’s best to do it when you’re in the mood. If you have scheduled a sexting conversation, do the same things to get in the mood IRL, whether it’s putting on something sexy, lighting incense, etc. – whatever gets you in the mood.

For more of Samantha’s tips and tricks, visit her YouTube channel!