Written by The Walkers
They’re back for more. You asked, they answered.
I’m in late twenties, finished with school, and settled in a 9-5 job. But, I’m having trouble meeting guys! My workplace is filled with people much older than me, and my friends are all in relationships themselves. I’ve tried the dating app thing, but I just feel like it’s not for me. Do you have any tips on ways to met people outside of work/school?
Question #1: For all the single ladies.
Mrs. W: I feel ya! It’s a tough world out there! My first advice would be to ask your friends if they have anyone they could set you up with. Second, I suggest putting yourself out there more. Join a sports team, or get into a hobby (sailing, cooking, fencing…?!). This will provide a platform for you to meet people around your age that you have things in common with. Besides that, just make sure you put yourself out there. Take risks when you see someone that catches your eye, like the hottie at the grocery store, or the cutie in line at Starbucks. Make sure your energy is approachable (smile, open body language etc.). Also, just to confuse you further, STOP looking and it will happen!
Mr. W: It can definitely be a challenge to meet good guys, but they are definitely out there. One of the most important things to remember is to stay positive and to always be yourself. If you are patient, while putting yourself out there, then you can find your match. It sounds like you need a real face-to-face connection to be able to tell if a guy is compatible with you, and that’s a great way to approach this dilemma of yours. One good place to start is to ask your friends if they know anyone that might be a good fit for you, since they would also know a bit about the guy’s character. If you have already explored those options and are still scratching your head, then you should probably try joining some sort of group activity. This could be something creative like painting, or maybe you prefer to be active. If you have a favourite sport, then you could sign up for a team and meet a guy where you already have some shared interests. An added bonus is that an active lifestyle outside the bedroom usually does good things for what happens inside the bedroom.
Dear Mr. & Mrs.Walker,
My boyfriend keeps trying to initiate dirty talk in the bedroom. It turns me on, but when he says things like, “What do you want me to do to you?”, I get flustered and embarrassed. I just don’t know how to respond. I’m looking for some things I can say!
Question #2: Don’t be shy, just say what ya feel.
Mrs. W: First off, try to get out of your head and have some fun with the dirty talk! At least it turns you on, so your half way there ?. When it comes down to you describing what you want him to do, start small and simple, then work up to the creative stuff when if feels more natural. Something simple to start with could be “I like that, Sexy!”, “That feels so good, baby!”, “Harder!”, “Softer!” Then start thinking about what you would like him to do. It’s your turn now! Be selfish and give him some orders! “I like it when…”, “It feels so good when you play with…”
Whatever you like, tell him while adding in some dirty adjectives, and it will make your day/night. Promise!
Mr. W: It is great that you are trying to find ways to play with your boyfriend in new and exciting ways. It sounds like you are going into this with an open mind, which is going to help out a lot. Since his talk is working and getting you revved up, you can always tell him things to let him know how turned on he is making you. Guys love to be affirmed that they are doing or saying the right thing, so that’s an easy place to start. If you find yourself stumbling when he asks you questions like “What do you want me to do to you?”, just respond with something along the lines of “Everything you’re doing feels so good”. That way, you can stay in the moment, drive him wild with your words in return, and let the good times roll. Now, everything doesn’t always feel great, so talk is a good way to also give some guidance and grow sexually with your man. Fortunately, you have an attentive lover who actually wants to know what you like! So if something is good, let him know it is good! If something doesn’t feel that great, you can gently guide him by saying something like “I love it when you…”, and fill in the blank. Believe me, your man is going to love it if you start talking back, so you can feel assured there! Eventually, you may find your talk evolving and getting more adventurous, but there is no need to rush the journey. Start small and build up your confidence. Eventually you’ll have no trouble finding the right thing to say.
Dear Mr. & Mrs.Walker,
I’ve been seeing a guy for 6 months now. He travels a lot for work, so we keep our sex lives alive with the use of sexting. I’m fine with showing a lot, but my guy keeps asking to see my box. I just feel like a close up of my ‘down there’ isn’t very attractive, and I’m shy about it. He shows me everything, so I feel bad holding out on him. Am I wrong to not share? And is there a way to give him what he wants without making myself uncomfortable?
Question #3: Try for the classy box shot.
Mrs. W: There are classier and more creative ways of photographing your box, other than going full spread eagle for the camera. As long as you are comfortable with sending a photo, you shouldn’t worry about how attractive it will be. I’m sure he’s already a fan and has seen your box up close and personal. If this is something you want to do and are not getting pressured into it, start off by keeping your box in the picture, but maybe not the focus of the picture. Keep the legs closed or partially closed until your feeling more comfortable and adventurous. To get yourself more in the mood, maybe go for a bikini wax, buy some sexy lingerie or even some crotchless panties. Get creative!
Mr. W: I am happy to hear that you two are taking the time to build excitement throughout the day. That is a great way to stay connected, and makes for much more passionate evenings! First, remember that just because a guy asks for something, doesn’t mean that you need to deliver! Having said that, you need to know that seeing that side of you will drive him totally wild, even if you don’t find a picture of that part of your body very attractive. One aspect of his excitement is that you would be showing him that you have the confidence to flash him with your dirtiest pictures. His desire alone is a strong part of what is getting him going, and so you can still play the game by teasing him a bit. Maybe you can use a shot where it is only partly showing, or use creative lighting to create a picture that you still find sensual. With a bit of these sneak peeks, you will see how much power you have to turn him on. That may be enough to make you want to show him everything, or you may find a happy compromise in giving him suggestive shots and making him wait until he gets home for the real deal. Whatever you choose, make it sexy and confident, and you should be able to stay in the groove.
Dear Mr. & Mrs.Walker,
I feel horrible saying this, but my man is horrible at foreplay! He’s too quick to the main event. How do I tell him, without hurting his feelings?
Question #4: Gentle guidance & some straight talk.
Mrs. W: You are in a sticky situation, especially if you man is on the sensitive side. However this is something that needs to be dealt with ASAP! I would stick to “I” statements and keep it positive. For example, “I like it when you go down on me,” “I get so wet when…” Unless your man is a selfish lover (and he might be), this should be enough encouragement for him to want to do those things to you. If he does those things and then stops with in a few minutes, just moan out for more. That will get his attention! Also, he could be rushing the foreplay because he can’t handle that much stimulation (if you know what a mean), so maybe try touching him in other ways during foreplay like kissing his chest or grabbing his hair. This will give his manhood a breather while your oven is getting preheated. Just make sure you don’t give his manhood too much breathing space!
Mr. W: There is nothing to feel horrible about! Speaking openly about sex is one of the most important aspects of a healthy sex life. To put a more positive spin on things, I suggest that you tailor your word choice a little, both in your self-talk and in your communications with your man. Instead of saying he is “horrible at foreplay”, try to use less extreme words like he “doesn’t spend enough time on foreplay.” Putting things in the “horrible” category makes things seem somewhat hopeless, and prevents you from getting out of that rut. If you are comfortable saying things during sex, you could try to guide him with your words while you are getting into it. If he starts jumping the gun, try asking him to do something specific before moving on. Tell him that you would love for him to go down on you, or kiss all over your body, or whatever it is that gets your body going. Many guys like instructions, and so this might work for you two. Perhaps he’s rushing to home-base because he thinks that is what you want, so communication is key here. Keep in mind that guys don’t always think too clearly while they are in the moment, so during-the-act may not be the best time for you to communicate your needs to him. In this case, you should bring it up again outside the bedroom. Definitely don’t talk about this right after you finish! Find a time when you are both feeling calm and cooperative, and ask him if you can talk to him about sex. Start by telling him what you love, and then tell him what he could do to make it so much better. Most guys want to please their women, so hopefully he responds well to this approach. If he is still stubborn about it after you openly communicating with him, then I would consider whether or not this kind of selfish and inconsiderate behaviour is something that you are willing to put up with in a relationship.